How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
birth control should be required to get into college
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
