wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
tell me about the eggs
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