oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
