After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize