I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
