Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
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I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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