my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
