Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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