We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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