like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
