can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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