I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
