just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
