Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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