i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
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I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
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On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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