you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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