There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
