I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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