craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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