I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
