Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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