I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
