Barsexuality is the new black.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
