You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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