Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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