It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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