After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
