i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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