My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
