it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize