i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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