How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
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