fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
