some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
