The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
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It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
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Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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