he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
