It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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