She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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