my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
