I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
