it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
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Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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