in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
