Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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