your room smells of hookers.
And success
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
