I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
