you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
it was like eating out sand paper
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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