I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
True college students do jello shots in the library
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