apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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