i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
