That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
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Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
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That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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