You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
