if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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