i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
