you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
