but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
