i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
