my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
