remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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You are the jesus of drinking
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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